Angelina Jolie Not Getting Married, Retiring From Acting

Angelina Jolie looks amazeballs in Maleficent and now that the movie is out — have you seen it yet? — Mrs. Smith (but not yet Mrs. Pitt) has been making the rounds of the interview circuit, opening up about her upcoming wedding and — you’re going to need to sit down for this — her retirement from acting.

That’s right, Angelina told USA Today that acting wasn’t her dream, it was her mom’s. And now that she’s come into her own (sorry, Marcheline Bertrand! Love your name!) Angelina's realized that her true loves are writing, directing and humanitarian work. And her children and fiancee, of course. Speaking of that fiancee, the two have been engaged for two years and together for ten — reading that blew my mind; Maddox is 12 and has a girlfriend now — but have no solid plans for the big day yet. Angelina doesn’t even have a dress. What? Isn't there a David's Bridal near you, Angelina? They have beautiful dresses at affordable prices!

All right, too much shocking news for one day. Anyone else need to talk this out?