become obsessed with the other woman.
It's natural for you to be curious about her,
but she's not worth your time and energy.
Your husband is cheating. You're not sure what to
do. Before wrestling with that decision, let's focus
first on what you SHOULDN'T do. Most women
react blindly when they find out their husbands
are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a
desire for revenge compel them to do things they
later regret — things which make it difficult or
impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity
advice they may later receive.
This article will keep you from making a mistake
that could sabotage the course of action you
eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether
you decide to leave your husband or stay with him
and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing
at the outset can make a bad situation worse.
Let's look at 5 key things you SHOULDN'T do and
examine the reasons why.
1. Don't put him out or leave him – yet.
Instead of your first move, putting your husband
out or leaving him should be your last resort. You
may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it's
the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to
keep a close eye on what's going on. It'll be easier
to do that if the two of you are still living under
the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you'll
be hard-pressed to know what he's doing, short of
hiring an investigator. As long as you're still
together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of
his affair and gather some much-needed facts.
There's a lot you need to know about the situation
before you can make an intelligent decision about
what to do. Continue monitoring your husband's
activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact
with his lover and any other details concerning his
affair. Write everything down in a journal for
future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he's
still there, you have a chance to work things out.
2. Don't tell the whole world about his infidelity.
It's natural to want to confide in somebody about
your husband's affair, or rally friends and family to
your side. But be very cautious about who you tell.
The female friend you confide in could turn out to
be the "other woman." Make sure you're confiding
in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a
male friend about your husband's affair could
complicate the situation. There are men out there
who take advantage of women when they're in a
vulnerable state. Telling your husband's friends or
family may not produce the results you want.
They might not take you seriously, or they may
lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn
him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own
family and friends can eventually come back to
haunt you. Elephants aren't the only ones who
never forget. Some people have a tendency to
remember unpleasant events long after they've
been resolved. If you and your husband decide to
reconcile, they could make things difficult by
harboring anger and hostility toward him for what
he did to you. Or they may show resentment
toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution
in who you tell about your husband's affair.
3. Don't ignore his affair or pretend it's not
happening.
Going into denial will only make matters worse. As
traumatic as it is to find out that your husband
has been cheating, you need to face the reality of
the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the
go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it's not
happening will make him think he's getting away
with his cheating, or give him the impression that
he has your silent approval. At some point you
should inform your husband that you know about
his affair and make it clear that you want it to
stop. The sooner you confront him about his
cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring
it up and express your disapproval, the more
attached he will become to the other woman. And
the harder it will be to get your marriage back on
track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in
secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you
know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his
affair.
4. Don't confront him without the 3 P's – Proof, a
Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your
husband about his cheating. But you need to have
a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you
can discuss the affair at length without
interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he's
cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the
evidence you've gathered that proves he's having
an affair – names, dates, places, times, absences,
phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him
some pointed questions about his affair: why he
did it, how it started, how long it's been going on,
how he feels about the other woman, what he
intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully
to his answers so you can accurately assess the
situation. Then you'll be able to make a wise
decision about what course of action to take. DO
NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF
OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal
waste of time. Unless you can prove he's been
cheating, the information-gathering phase will
never get off the ground. If you need proof, there's
a way for you to get it without hiring a detective
or buying software or surveillance equipment. "Is
He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs" will
help you find all the proof you need using only
your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of
your husband, and the information in this book.
5. Don't waste your time and energy on the other
woman.
One of the worst things you can do is become
obsessed with the other woman. It's natural for
you to be curious about her, but she's not worth
your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning
your husband about her, referring to her or
dragging her name into the conversation puts the
spotlight on her instead of on the real issues
where it belongs. Don't obsess over the details of
what happened between the two them.
Concentrate on working things out between the
two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself
by calling or confronting the other woman and
demanding that she leave your husband alone.
She's not obligated to take orders from you.
Harassing her or threatening her will put you on
the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing
or belittling the her will only make your husband
come to her defense. You'll be driving them closer
together instead of forcing them apart Forget
about the other woman and focus your energy and
efforts on getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or
saving it? The final outcome depends on the way
you handle things when you first discover your
husband's affair. In the initial stages, you may be
unsure exactly what you're going to do. But at
least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay
with your husband or leave him, avoiding these
mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever
decision you eventually make.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
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